my waddling God

"The LORD lifts the burdens of those bent beneath their loads." Psalm 147:8

I get a picture in my head when I read this verse. It kinda makes me laugh. I see me with my big heavy backpack trying to run a race and God running behind me pushing up from the bottom of the pack so the load is lighter for me. I just see God kind of waddling behind me trying not to trip me as he runs with me.

Maybe when I ask for God to lighten my load, he already is. I may have no clue how heavy those burdens really are because God has spared me the full weight of them. How unappreciative I am, whining because my backpack is too heavy.

How does this apply to my burdens (aka my backpack)? (If you haven't already, read the post titled the 'contents of my backpack' from january archives)

1. My fear of disapproval - What if God has kept a few disapproving mouths shut because he knew it would crush me? What if God has given me an extra boost of confidence in him when he knew I would face disapproval?

2. My fear of loneliness - What if God has spared my dog's life on occasion (that I didn't know about) so I wouldn't be alone at home. Maybe God knows how much more I would fear loneliness without a dog. Maybe when I feel left out or rejected in a situation, God has allowed me to experience that feeling one out of 10 times. What if he has spared me those other 9 times and I whine because I felt rejected once?

3. My fear of being disappointed - What if God has answered some of my prayers to boost my faith and protect me from disappointment. What if he has changed plans because he knew how much I'm looking forward to something and doesn't want to see me disappointed because it doesn't happen.

What if my friends Thomas and Mellissa really owed the government $5000, but God knew that they would be crushed by this burden, so he arranges the debt to be changed to $2500 (he has his connections, you know)? What if Sara has a class with 10 misbehaving students but only 5 act out because God doesn't want her to have to deal with any more hell for that day? What if baby Kaelyn wasn't supposed to live but God had compassion and out of love saved her life, even though she would have to go through open heart surgery at 6 months of age?

I could go on and on. What if when we cry out to God, he really hears our prayers. What if he answers us all the time but we don't think so because we don't know how bad it could've been? I feel like such a fool. Jesus says in John 14:13 that we can ask for anything in his name, and he will do it. He must be telling the truth, God's not a liar.

Now, I'm not saying that God totally shelters me from pain, but what if he's doing way more than I give him credit for? What if I have no idea the real weight of my backpack because he's lifting it up. I know he ultimately wants me to give the burdens to him but maybe he looks at me bent beneath my load and is moved by compassion because he loves me so much.

Lord, I know you are always at work and you do so much more than I can see. Thank you for lifting my burdens. I totally don't deserve your kindness. I'm sorry I've taken you for granted. If I could only begin to imagine how much you loved me, nothing else would matter. Thank you for continuing to do so much more in me than I'll ever know.